BEING A FATHER AS HE IS MEANT TO BE

BEING A FATHER AS HE IS MEANT TO BE

We all want to be best parents we could be for our children. But there is often conflicting
advice on how to raise a kid who is confident, kind and successful. Some dads are very much
involved in the lives of their children, while others neglect, ignore or even abuse their kids.
That’s a fact.
In our society, mothers have the most power and influence when it comes to raising children.
Many fathers may be more vulnerable to criticism than mothers because there is still less support
in our society for fathers as actively involved parents. There is an assumption in our society that
mothers are the primary caregivers and that they have the power to determine the involvement of
others in childcare.

Women have a greater biological role in childbearing than men. A mother’s nurturing
relationship with her children may be rooted in the biological conditions like pregnancy, birth
and breastfeeding. Societal pressures of motherhood for women are more than the fatherhood for
parenting. Women are still primary caregivers. However , it is now well established in the
literature that both women and men have the capacity to be good parents and most parenting
skills are ‘LEARNED’ by ‘DOING’. But it is a known fact that, parenthood is more salient for
women’s identity than for men’s and women are more likely to feel an obligation or duty to
engage in parenting than men. They spend on average more time on parenting than fathers.
Societal changes have affected the family life over the past decades. Especially rising
divorce rates and mother’s participation in the labor force have stimulated the mothers and
fathers to reorganize their family life, with fathers taking a more prominent role in parenting.
Now a days in the urban environment where both parents are working, fathers tend to play a
more active role in the parenting of their children. A research (Crouter and McHale 2005) says
that working mothers may spend more time with their children before school and on off work
days than non-working mothers.
With all these differences, it has been proved scientifically that fathers play a significant
role in the social, emotional and behavioral development of children. Fathers influence children’s
social and emotional development. Traditionally, parenting research and practice has ignored
fathers, neither considering their influence on child development nor controlling for their
influence when looking at the influence of mothers. Father comes next, as mother is a ‘primary’
caregiver. He is ‘secondary’ in taking care of children. But father’s influence on child
development is equally important and significant as mother’s. This significant role is ignored
very often because of the time they spend with their children when compared to mothers.
However, science says it is not the relative amount of time but that the quality of the interaction
which influences the child’s mind. Fathers do invest both emotionally and financially, in their
children’s lives. It is believed that, children with more educated fathers tend to do better in
school tests. Fathers who talk more to their children have children with higher vocabularies. The

children of supportive fathers who engage with them in various activities, including play are
more likely to have more positive friendships and be more able to control their emotions.
It is not about criticizing the parenting skills of fathers. Both parents need to keep
communication open and not to be so quick to criticize. If fathers are even going to be regarded
as an equal partner in family life, they need the same support the mothers get. It’s all about
giving fathers the space to parent.